My Story Bill and Tonya Matlock Bill Matlock’s Testimony Hello my name is Bill Matlock and this is my story. I was born in Cape Girardeau, MO and I grew up in McClure IL. Times were hard, money was tight. But no matter what happened my parents always found a way to provide for us three kids. We didn’t really understand everything but we knew that we were loved. Around 10 or 12 my brother and I started working for local farmers in their fields. Mom and dad tried to keep us in church. Though we rebelled against them they even took us to a Christian school for about 1 ½ years. I graduated in 1983. I had a bad attitude. You know,  I felt like the world owed me something. Then I started running with the wrong crowd. Drinking and doing drugs eventually that led to dealing drugs. I turned into a not so nice person, if you had a problem you needed taken care of and you were afraid to do it or couldn’t do it, well for enough money I could see that your problem was taken care of.  My first marriage began in 1993 and ended in 2001, due to drug involvement but during that time I had several major accidents, the most memorable would have to be in 1989 when I was electrocuted by a high voltage bass bat while doing asbestos removal. The funny thing is there was no damage to me; in 1998 I accidentally discharged a .45 cal pistol, the bullet passed between my femur and femoral artery. This bullet was a black talon which is a designed for maximum damage- to kill. Well for some reason it failed to open. Had it hit my artery I would have been dead in 1 ½ minutes so am I lucky? I would say no. The truth is that no matter how messed up and mean I was God never left my side. I’ve also been cut pretty bad a couple of times but though it all I’ve had only 3 stitches and no broken bones. So how is that for being blessed?       In 2003 a 17 year old boy whose name was Jeff Kallbreier was killed in a car accident in Benton. He was like my son he was part of my life from the day he was born until the day he died.  The night of the accident the girl that was driving was there in the hospital. We arrived minutes after her mother. The daughter was in a coma - she came to after a couple of weeks and was still alive. The reason I mention this is when we arrived at the hospital there were 3 doves flying in a small circle around a street light. I still don’t know why we saw this but I have several theories. I was so hurt and angry that on the day we buried Jeff someone mentioned God and I screamed “there is no such thing as God leave me alone” (Psalm 9:17 says- the wicked shall be turned into hell and all the nations that forget God!) then I got into an argument with Tonya. I started drinking and did some meth. Then the self-pity kicked in, you know, what about me, my feelings. It seemed like no one cared. Well I figured “I’ll show them!" I went out to the car, got a rope, tied a hangman's noose, put it around my neck and hung myself. (Now just a few minutes before this, Tonya came into the bedroom to make sure I wasn't going to do anything stupid. I reassured her I wasn't). The last thought I had was "this is stupid". I reached for the knife on my belt, it was too late I went unconscious and I died! Well my physical body was dead.  My spiritual body faded into a dark place. Now mind you I was in the same place, but it was on a different plain. Now let me try to give you a better visual on this place. It was very dark; I could make out mounds about 3 to 6 feet high. They were kind of glowing, like a cinder pile smoldering. There was a strong smell of sulfur. My face and eyes were burning. I searched in the darkness for water, but found none. There were four creatures 6 to 8 feet tall, they had razor-sharp claws and teeth. Oh yeah, they also breathed fire. They would attack me, I fought back but it really was useless. I couldn't hurt them. They, on the other hand could hurt me.  They ripped my side open. Guess what -excruciating pain. Then it would heal up and the pain was gone. They burned the flesh from my arm to the bone, extreme pain, when they stopped, the flesh was back in the pain was gone. This just kept reoccurring over and over again, eventually I gave up. I curled up into a ball and just laid there in pain as it happened. Rev 16:7-12    And I heard another out of the altar say, Even so, Lord God Almighty, true and righteous are thy judgments.  And the fourth angel poured out his vial upon the sun; and power was given unto him to scorch men with fire.  And men were scorched with great heat, and blasphemed the name of God, which hath power over these plagues: and they repented not to give him glory.  And the fifth angel poured out his vial upon the seat of the beast; and his kingdom was full of darkness; and they gnawed their tongues for pain,  And blasphemed the God of heaven because of their pains and their sores, and repented not of their deeds.  And the sixth angel poured out his vial upon the great river Euphrates; and the water thereof was dried up, that the way of the kings of the east might be prepared. This is I guess my interpretation of the things I've just told you-you have darkness-man being scorched and no water. Where I was at I was making deep guttural moans and sounds, you know, like a wolf caught in a trap chewing his own leg off to be free! That is all I remember of there, but back where my physical body was at, Tonya and a friend had found me and cut me down. They said I was lifeless and my body had turned black! They started reviving me. I apparently was coming back. Guess what? When I started back Tonia said I was making deep guttural sounds there also. She actually said that it sounded like a demon, it scared her even more. They called 911, the paramedics showed up. They called the police because they couldn't control me. Apparently when I was coming back I was still fighting pretty well on both plains of existence. Once the police arrived, I apparently beat all four officers up. It took them four cans of mace and 45 minutes to subdue me. Let me remind you, I was unconscious while this happened. Once I arrived at the hospital, I regained consciousness (this is the point where I could let the ball and gave up on the other side). The nurse asked me what time I hung myself? I looked at the clock; it was 10:30 PM, so I told them around 10. In all actuality it was around 5 PM. The truth of it is I was dead for a few hours, which are member very clearly where my spirit was, but I still to this day remember nothing where my physical body was from going unconscious to coming to the hospital. Once I regained my senses, I felt something running in my eye. When I reached up I found out I was cuffed to the bed. This is when I found out that I was as they said I was very combative. It turns out that I had fallen and busted my eye open. It was blood running down my eye. Come to think of it, the first thing I asked was if Amber and Tonya were okay here it no one told me so I repeated the question a few times to no avail. Kind of weird huh? I just returned from the dead and was worried more about others than myself. While in the emergency room, they ran an EKG and several other tests. When they would finish the tests I would ask them questions, which to this day I still don't know what I asked them. But they actually asked me if I had medical training. They said the type of questions I asked made them think I had. My reply was that I had not. There wasn't any brain damage or anything, my neck didn't swell up closing off my throat and there was no neck damage, but I did carry a scar around my neck for a couple of years as a reminder of what I had done. It has disappeared since. This experience cost me a few days in the hospital several court appearances and eventually only one week in the jail. The true cost was much greater, I hurt my family severely as well as many friends, some of which I hadn't even seen or spoken to in several years. From this I really learned how many people my life affected. So don't take life for granted, you would be amazed if you only knew who all your life affects. If any of you are thinking of hurting yourselves, or you think your life is insignificant, think again. If you need help, just ask because your life affects mine and I'll bet everyone else's you know and some you don't. Please don't take life lightly; it's a gift from God. Enjoy and live it like it's your last, it just may be. Truthfully I don't think you want to go where I did. Once you do something like this, you also lose trust and everyone is scared to let you even go from one room to another without being followed and treated like a child. Because they are afraid you’re going to do it again. The sad thing is some do and they succeed. God have mercy on the souls! To my family and lovely wife Tonya, I'm sorry for the pain and anguish I put you through. That's all I have about that, but this wasn't my first attempt. The first was a lot quicker and more (should I say) interesting. Here it is-I hung myself with a cable. All I remember was it was very bright and very soothing. I heard a voice say "it's not your time". I woke up in the floor, the cable had broken. The second time as you now know wasn't as easy. I was married to Tonya in 2004 and we are still together. In finishing, if you asked me if there is a heaven or hell, my answer would be YES. The true question is, do you believe in them especially after hearing this? I first thought this happened to teach me a lesson, but I now believe it actually happened to teach you all this-that it was all real and God is great and merciful. First, he let me live in gave me this great lesson for all. He has blessed and changed my life in so many ways. I'm no longer an angry person. I have no more thoughts of suicide. I'm more positive. I have a conscience. My heart is feeling more love than ever and it's overwhelming at times. I'm in a ministry course, and I’m part of the youth group staff! I have family, friends, and a wife that truly loves me and I truly love, and let's not forget my church family which I love dearly. So to sum it up, God has forgiven me of my sins and showed me how to love and shown me love! Don't you think if he can do that for someone like this and he could do it for you to? I am truly blessed, thank you for your time and God bless.  ~Bill Matlock. If any of you ever think of hurting yourself or suicide please call me, maybe I can help you make the right choice before it’s too late.  Call (573) 837-0194 and ask for Bill!